Wednesday, April 12, 2006

LPB Times Reports

Molly the Mouser

Well, this is horrible. I hope they can tempt the little kitty out soon, and that she lives her remaining lives with minimal adventure.

Makes me shudder, being so in love with my own little Furring Purry...the one who doesn't know how good she's got it.

Oops, I Dropped My Kid

Okay, papparazzi, listen up: Leave Brit-brit and K-Fed alone. None of us really care anymore, anyway. But really, I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the poor girl--show me a kid who hasn't had a trip to the ER before they're two and I'll show you a kid who's parents keep it in a bubble.

The whole driving-away-with-four-month-old-baby-on-lap incident was, of course, stupid. But the press must be having a really, really slow day when it has to rush to confirm every little detail about the child welfare agents visiting Britney's home.

If it had been international news everytime I got hurt as a child, I would have been locked in a padded cell. I'm not kidding. If you haven't heard about all my childhood injuries, here's the short list:

1. Head-first dive into a brick fireplace (age: 18 months). Apparently it was lots of fun for Dad to hold me down while they X-rayed my head.

2. Broken finger on account of slamming it into a sliding glass door (age: 2).

3. Broken leg--requiring surgery and hospital stay--on account of freak shopping cart accident--you really don't want to know (age: 3).

4. Drinking plant water that had recently been treated with plant food (toddler years).

5. Electrocuting myself by sticking brass candlesticks in the outlets (toddler years).

6. Broken wrist on account of falling off the triangle bars (thanks a lot, Mrs. Olmo, for making me do them when I was terrified of the damn things) in PE class (age: 11).

And that's the short list. Anyway, my point here is that accidents happen, and yes, the authorities check (rightly so), but really, poor Britney is probably terrified about her child's head and hardly needs the press reporting all the details.

Okay, This is Just Amazing

Apparently, geologists have found some fossilized earthworm feces from 500 million years ago.

Now, that is amazing. Absolutely stunning. I told my parents about this headline, and the only reply Dad could come up with was a stunned-sounding, "No shit?!"

Terfelt described the find as "unique."


Why I Could Never Hide From the Police

I, too, would be captured when the clean underwear ran out. Hell, I'd probably turn myself in before they could find me. I just really hate dirty clothes.

And that's all for today--it really is a slow news day. Guess I'll go read all the juicy details about Britney...

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