Seconds after typing the title to this post, I looked up and saw that my walls aren't actually naked. I forgot to take down my Chico diploma. Oops. Well, at least I haven't taped that box shut yet.
My walls are naked. So are most of the shelves, though I haven't packed most of my books yet. Grandma's china, my tea cups, my London Shrine and my Snoopy collection are all lovingly wrapped in yards and yards of bubble wrap. Tonight, I bought a 100-foot roll of the stuff at Office Max, figuring whatever doesn't get used in the move will be needed for eBay sales.
I just finished a DVD and stuck it in the big bin that will take it--and all the rest of my DVDs--to Mom and Dad's house in a day or two. I'm going to switch off my cable TV soon, so after that, my entertainment here at home will be limited to the computer (until that, too, goes to Mom and Dad's), a book, and my crossword puzzle book.
It feels lonely here. Everything that made this apartment home for the last three years is slowly getting boxed up. The cats who romp around and nap on top of the fridge or on the back of the sofa are safe and secure at my parents' house. It's just me and boxes, and lots of empty walls and bubble wrap.
I've never minded living alone. I've gotten used to it and for the most part, I value my independence. I'm not willing to settle for just any relationship to avoid being on my own, and I've learned how to keep myself company. But now that I've decided to move back to Mom and Dad's house, I'm almost impatient to have company. Oh, I know that within a week of moving in, I'll be frustrated by sharing such a small house with two other people...but I'll get used to it. Mom and Dad understand that I need certain things--my card-making supplies, my computer, my piano--and they're happy to help me cram it all in. My room is at the opposite end of the house, so my late-night piano-practicing won't bother anyone (I have headphones) and I can stay up all night playing on the computer if I so desire. Dad had cable hooked up to my bedroom ages ago so I could watch my favorite shows when I visited them, so I'll have that, and a DVD player.
And I'll have money. I'll no longer be throwing $1,000 a month (of the $1,800 I get) towards rent, and living on the very edge from check to check. I won't have a power bill to pay, or a phone bill. I can start saving money and paying off my hospital bill. It all sounds so marvelous. The way I've budgeted things, I can allow myself a couple hundred dollars a month of "play" money for time with friends, or a new pair of shoes. This will still allow me to pay the rent on my storage unit, throw some money at my credit card bill and hospital bill, and pay for things like gas and other incidentals.
I can hardly wait.
It feels almost like moving back in with Mom and Dad will give me more independence, because I'll finally be relieved from what I've laughingly called "genteel poverty."
And if I get really stressed, I have all that bubble wrap.
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