Changes

Warning: Rambling ahead

On Saturday evening, I went out for a quick walk around my neighborhood. I was feeling listless and bored in my boxed-up apartment. Even though I still have my computer set up (though that, too, will be boxed up so I can take it to Mom and Dad's house tomorrow), there's only so much of that I can take before the need to get up and move takes over.

It was just before twilight--that time of day where it's still safe for kids to ride their bikes and where people are taking that post-dinner stroll before tucking into the house to watch TV. I noticed that it's starting to get darker a little bit earlier; we're cycling through the seasons and oh-so-slowly, it's starting to look like fall is on its way.

The mornings have been cooler--there's the tiniest little bite of crispness when I open my windows in the morning. The days are still hot, but summer is fighting a losing battle here.

The changes are so subtle, I'm sure most people don't even notice them, or even particularly care. There's too much going on. School is starting back up, there are jobs to be done and clothes to buy and bills to pay. But in my current state of limbo, it's easy to stop and take a moment to notice nature's subtle way of nudging us closer to fall.

Not so subtle are the changes in my life. I no longer feel cozy and comfortable in my apartment. This morning I boxed up all of my dishes and glasses. Any meals I eat today must be of the "use your hands" variety (I'm thinking Subway for lunch). The walls are empty, the throw pillows and blankets packed away. My knick-knacks and Grandma's china are lovingly packed. The only personal touches left are the toiletries on the bathroom counter and a few pieces of clothing scattered around.

Tonight I will sing with Stockton Chorale one last time. I had a lovely email from Magen yesterday, thanking me for the time and work I've given to the organization. The best compliment, however, was her telling me that I comport myself like a professional at rehearsals. I think of myself as a professional musician--after all, I have a degree and I have made my living teaching music--so to be told that I behave like one is high praise, indeed.

And tomorrow, I will load up Rosie Pro and drive to Mom and Dad's house. I will stay there from here on out, spending only one more night in Stockton after tonight. Next Tuesday I will drive down, bringing a book to read, my crossword puzzles, and my iPod to stay entertained. I want to make sure I can park in the spot closest to my apartment, so the movers can back the truck up there on Wednesday morning. I'll spend some time cleaning this place from top to bottom, removing pretty much every trace that I ever called it home.

It's funny. I don't feel like I'm really giving up my independence. There will be an adjustment period at Mom and Dad's. Dad can get a little overzealous with his worrying, and I know he'll be on me for a while with the questions about job hunting and working out. In time, he'll settle down as he realizes that I've got a handle on it, so if I can just keep my patience, and wait 'til he's not looking to roll my eyes, we'll be just fine.

I'll establish a routine again--gah, how I've been missing having a routine!--and my days will be filled with working out, job hunting, promoting my eBay and Etsy shops, and singing. I look forward to my first rehearsal with Sacramento Choral Society next week, and I know that having a place to sing is absolutely the best thing during this transition.

So many changes around me. I suppose it's all very daunting, but mostly, I'm handling it quite well. I get the feeling that moving in with Mom and Dad for a while is just the kick in the rear my life needs to take off in a new direction. I love Stockton, but I've been stagnating here for a while now.

A lot of people are afraid of change. I guess I've learned to embrace it, to make it work for me. It's inevitable, after all. Summer will gradually turn to fall. Happens every year, and we barely even take notice.