Ten Years

Ten years ago today, I graduated from California State University, Chico.

Ten years!

Sometimes I'm still surprised that I actually finished college--I always knew that it would eventually happen, but when it did, there was this sense that it was unreal. "Nooo," I thought to myself. "I didn't really achieve a degree!" But I did--a Bachelor of Arts in Music: Option in Education. I have it in a fancy frame, hanging over the desk where I sit typing this blog post on my computer. I'm proud as hell of that degree. I've known many talented musicians--some who I went to high school with, some who started the music program with me at Chico, and kids I've taught since then--who have fizzled out, not finished the music programs they've signed up for at college. Kids with music scholarships, kids who were stars in their high school program.

I think the biggest thing I took away from majoring in music is that everyone can "do" music, but not everyone can be a musician. It takes a lot more than having a pretty voice, or even a willingness to spend hours and hours in the practice room, just you and a clarinet and sheet music that is so marked up you wonder, sometimes, what all your marks mean, and just why Dr. Burnham left a big squiggly line with a couple of arrows. What does it all mean?! You have to have that attitude, that knowledge that music is what is driving you forward. I've doubted myself a lot in my life, but these days, I'm confident. I'm a musician, truly.

Anyway, aside from the accomplishment of just graduating, I've been thinking about the last ten years of my life and just how much has happened. If you had told twenty-two-year-old Meg what was in store for her, just where she'd be 10 years down the road, I think she would have reacted with a mixture of pride and horror.

See, 22-year-old Meg thought she'd be married with a couple of kids by now. She thought she'd be Teacher of the Year, teaching high school music and running a successful program with a marching band, a couple of choirs, and a nice jazz program. She thought she'd spend summers in Europe and live in some fabulous place.

The reality has actually been better. I'm not married--I see more and more friends take that plunge all the time and part of me is wistful, but mostly I'm happy that I've held out and lived my life for me while I can. I've actually gotten to a point where I'm 90% sure I'll never have kids (90% seems like a good number--it gives me leeway to change my mind), not due to lack of opportunity but due to complete lack of interest in growing a baby, going through the myriad indignities of pregnancy and labor, and then finding myself tied to this person, letting it take over my heart and my life, for the rest of my own. It's terrifying. I love children and admire people who go for it...I'm just not sure it's for me.

I don't have the stellar high school music program, and frankly, that's a good thing. Two years of teaching high school choir in Antioch (if you look at the number of blog posts from that time in my life--August 2006-June 2008, you'll notice they're few and far between) taught me that to run a successful program, I had to give up more of my personal time than I was comfortable giving up, for fundraising, for extra rehearsals, for traveling with teenagers. I adored my drum line kids but some of the choir kids were often bratty and not all that much fun to be around. I resented giving up the whole month of December to watch my kids sing Christmas carols at one house party after the other, worried that someone's Uncle Geoffrey would try to molest one of my 16-year-old girls and I'd be held liable. I have always been willing to go the extra mile as a teacher...but this was more than a mile.

And I learned, along the way, that there is a lot of creativity to be had in teaching K-8 music. That teaching middle school is not only never dull, but actually a fun challenge. When you reach those kids, it's a victory. And I'm good at it--but most importantly, it makes me happy to do it.

In the last ten years, I have moved six times. The longest I've stayed anywhere, so far, is three years in Folsom after graduating, and three years here in Stockton. I have lived in England and Washington. I have traveled to Italy for one Spring Break, and spent another in France, another in Canada. I've raised seven kittens in some capacity (Bella and Duchess, Harley, and the Peanuts Gang). I've formed new friendships and seen friendships end. I discovered Keane.


Twenty-two-year-old Meg had no idea the ups and downs and the adventures and the craziness she would experience in the next ten years of her life. She had no idea where the path she was stepping onto would take her. It has twisted, it has turned, and, a time or two, it has looped around and I've found myself starting over, trying a different route. I'm at just such a juncture right now, and I know that I'm handling it with a lot more grace under pressure than I ever could have at 22.

I think back to that girl and sometimes I laugh at how my life did not turn out anything like I thought it would be. I think Meg, at 22, would have been disappointed to learn what would come of her life, but maturity and life experience have made me proud of what I have to show for the last ten years. I have learned to be humble, to have grace under pressure, and to live life on my terms, for better or for worse.

Ten years out of college, I don't have all the trappings I thought I would need to be happy--but I'm happy. It just goes to show that living your life on your own terms counts for a lot...and I hope to do just that for the next ten years, and the ten years after that, and so on, and so forth.

Then...

...and now