Sunday, April 23, 2006

Rosie the Predatory Tiger? I Think Not

It's a car, people, a car. It is metal and fiberglass and it is inanimate. Let's just get that one thing straight right from the start.

And clutter anywhere in my life sucks out my life there's nothing new there. But if you're into Feng Shui, you might like to read about how you can use it in your vehicle.

Oops, hold on, Rosie the Protege is trying to beat the door down and attack me.

Ahhh, Amore!

Hey, I'm for true love--no matter what form it comes in.

Nothing to Declare

Uh...what makes people think they can get through Customs with human remains? Good God, I would declare a Tic Tac, I'm so freakin' paranoid about getting back into my home country.

Okay, okay, there was that one time I brought back all those Beanie Babies from England, but I didn't sell any of them, and it's not my fault I had to buy a boatload of them just to get one Britannia Bear (that I still have, by the way).

But come on, what's worse--Beanie Babies or a human head?

Oh, Good Grief

Okay, in some countries, this would really be a punishment, but my first thought on reading this headline was, "Boy, detention sure must be crowded these days."

Can you imagine what kids in the States would think of this punishment? I can just hear the boys, in that adolescent-speak they use: "Ohhhh yeah, I'm not doing anymore homework for the rest of the year!!!"

It's Not Impulse, it's Therapy

My shoe addiction, that is. And believe me, I don't buy every cute pair of shoes I see. For example, I never did buy that one absolutely stunningly sassy pair at Mervyn's because...well, they're just not practical for anything in my life. Dammit.

Apparently, I am alright in terms of my ability to make decisions. Others are not so lucky.

The fact that anyone is doing any kind of scientific survey on shopaholics, however, leaves me boggled.

Don't Worry, Read a Book and Learn How to Be Happy

I, personally, find that any of the following work just as well for me:

1. New shoes.
2. Cuddling a warm kitty.
3. Snoopy.
4. Cocktail hour with a good friend.
5. Singing.
6. Laughing.

Still, teaching people how to be happy can't be a bad thing. Especially in high school.

Right...enough World Wide Weird headlines for today. I have work to do!



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