Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Here in the Cooper house, we offer an excellent Kittygarten program for all kindergatos. We provide a safe, loving and stimulating environment to help kindergatos grow into affectionate, law-abiding cats.

Staff includes Principals Mom and Dad, Teacher Meg, and Teacher Assistant Millie. Queen Kitty is Maggie.

The following is an approximate daily schedule.

7:00 Snack Time
Location: Kitchen

At the start of the day, kindergatos are given a couple of kitty cookies to boost energy.

7:05-8:30 Physical Education (Soccer and Hunting)
Location: Downstairs

Using our professional-quality playing surface (wood floors), kindergatos participate in a rousing morning game of soccer, using ping-pong balls, fuzzy mice or whatever is available.

Hunting is also a popular activity. Kindergatos learn to hunt any of the following: toys, toes, kitten tails (including their own), dust motes, older cats.

8:30-8:45 Nutrition
Location: Kitchen

Kindergatos are taught balanced nutrition in this course, informally known as Tuna Time. Principal Mom or Dad serve a tasty bowl of tuna to each pupil. The kittens have been exposed to a large variety of quality canned fish meals.

8:45-9:00 Personal Hygiene
Location: Sofa

Our kindergatos are encouraged to practice excellent personal hygeine. Following nutrition, a good face-washing is in order. Kindergatos retire to the sofa to take care of this, under the watchful eye of TA Millie.

9:00-9:30 Elective--Ornithology (bird-watching)
Location: Living Room

Our kindergatos study birds in a state-of-the art center which includes large picture-window Bird TV. This course helps kindergatos develop the ability to sit still and concentrate for long periods of time. Our pupils also have many opportunities to see squirrels.

9:30-12:30 Naptime
Location: Sofa

Kindergatos need plenty of time to rest after a busy morning of Kittygarten fun. Naptime takes place on a super-comfy plush red couch in the living room, where kindergatos are given an opportunity to use the "Sweet Spot," a dip in the sofa cushions under a very warm lamp.

12:30-1:30 Elective--Arts and Crafts
Location: Loft Room or Living Room

Kindergatos are given an opportunity to indulge their creativity in our well-stocked craft room. Common activities are knot-untying (practicing on the seat cushion at the scrapbook table) and paper-shredding (whatever bits are on the floor). This class can also take place in the living room, where Mom's current craft project can be scattered about.

1:30-5:00 Naptime
Location: Sofa or Human Lap

Much of the afternoon on a typical day in Kittygarten is spent napping, either on the sofa or on a human lap. Principals Mom and Dad and Teacher Meg are always happy to host a kindergato for a cuddle.

This course is often supervised by TA Millie, who continues with the kindergatos' lessons in personal hygeine by giving them a thorough cleaning while they drift off to sleep.

5:00-7:00 Physical Education
Location: Whole House

During the evening session of PE, kindergatos are given an opportunity to participate in the following:

Stair Running
Jumping (using the state-of-the-art Heather's toy)
Furniture Climbing
Post Scratching

7:00-9:00 Media Studies
Location: Living Room

Kindergatos are given opportunities to watch all the funny moving things on the TV screen. Most often this turns into naptime.

9:00-10:00 Physical Education (Night Session)
Location: Meg's Room and Bridge

Kindergatos participate in wrestling and boxing in a large, soft ring (Meg's bed). Boxing skills are honed on high-quality human-foot punching bags. Points deducted for toe-biting.

The kindergatos can also play a rousing game of Chase on the bridge from Meg's room to the craft room, supervised by Meg as she prepares for bed and refereed by TA Millie.

10:00-7:00 Sleep
Location: Meg's Bed

Kindergatos wind down after a long, full day of Kittygarten by cuddling up to Meg and Millie. Points deducted from grade for waking Meg.

Daily Learning Opportunities are presented in all daily courses in the following:

Our current pupils have mastered:

"Let me out!!"
"Let me in!!"
"Pass the ball/mouse/crinkle/fuzz to me!!"
"Stop biting my ears!!"
"Get away from my tuna..."
And, most importantly: "Puurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

Mathematics "There are four cookies. Duchess gets two of them. How many go to Bella? That's right--TWO. Stop stealing Duchess' cookies."

Ettiquette Kindergatos are encouraged to be friendly to all cats, not bite or scratch, stay out of the houseplants, and in proper use of the litterbox. Both have earned straight A's in litterbox use.

Our Kittygarten offers these exciting courses every day, but we also offer other courses and opportunities from time to time, including:

Diplomacy 101
The art of making friends with grumpy Queen Kitty Maggie.

Foreign Relations Learning to not freak out when the humans have company.

Health and Safety Field trips to the veterinarian.

Interior Design Our kindergatos have learned to rearrange houseplants, knock un-breakable items off of tables, disturb rugs, etc.

As you can see, we offer a full program for all kindergatos wishing to grow into healthy, happy cats.

Please note: I came up with the term "Kittygarten" last night while taking a long soak in the tub--observed by two wide-eye fuzzy faces. It might have ended there, but I was kept awake by a late-night wrestling match, for which both kindergatos were docked points from the behavior grade. Cheers, Meg

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