I've been feeling a little bit blase about going to England lately, and a bit distressed over this whole apathetic feeling. I should be excited, right? Thrilled beyond belief. And I'm just...sitting here.
Of course, at any given moment there are about 30 different feelings running through my system, including, but not limited to, fear, excitement, happiness, terror, sadness, apathy, etc.
So why am I not just bursting to get on that airplane and get this adventure started? Well, every time I think of hugging my parents goodbye at the airport, or that last night with my beloved Millie (the feline) curled up next to me, or saying goodbye to my friends, I just want to cry. I am so NOT excited about that.
Little tangent here: I hate the word "goodbye." Too final. From here on out, I will only say "see ya" because it's not as traumatic for some reason.
Anyway, I guess it is perfectly normal to feel some degree of angst at leaving my home. Trust me, I am excited to go back to England. The big revelation I allude to in the title of this post came last night, when I realized that I probably won't be truly happy to go to England until I'm actually on the airplane...or maybe even landing in London.
As I thought about it last night, I remembered something else. A little over a year ago, I went to Rome with several co-teachers. We flew from San Francisco to London, London to Rome. We had a few hours to wait around at London Heathrow. I wanted so badly to get out of that airport and go into London, but I couldn't. It was almost painful sitting in that airport, not being able to see Big Ben or something. Anything. Rome, of course, was fantastic and I enjoyed my time there but being at Heathrow and just sitting there was awful.
This time...I get to leave the airport. I get to see London. I think I'm going to take the Airbus from Heathrow to Euston station, then a taxi from Euston to Liverpool Street Station. From there I'll take the Brit Rail to Burnham-on-Crouch. I will cover some territory in London and get to actually see it again.
So finally, last night, I felt a little bit less apathetic, a little bit more excited. Still, expect tears in the next few weeks. I can't help it. ; )
Enough rambling!
Cheers, Meg
2 comments:
Any time you leave the comfort of your home to embark on an adventure, it is a leap of faith... faith that what you leave behind will be well cared for, and that your landing will be soft.
Trust me, a leap like that is always worth it, even if it is a bit painful at times. You will grow so much!
Heck, I'm excited enough for you... you've inspired me to start thinking about a leap of faith like that myself.
It's always hard to leave the place that is familiar, but think about it.. everyone you're around will continue to do the same old thing while you're off living abroad and exploring unfamiliar places. And you could take weekend trips to Germany or Ireland.. how cool is that??
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