Going through my pictures is therapeutic. There are a lot of smiles and laughs. A few tears. So many good memories of my joyful girl.
What's comforting to me is that as I went through the pics I've taken this year, there's still a spark of my sweet Millie, up until about late May or early June...so I can see that I wasn't ignoring massive behavior changes for too long. One thing about this week is that I've been questioning how in denial I was about her condition. She was definitely getting older, but it really wasn't until this month that she got very ill.
Here are some pictures from 2012-2014...
|"What are you doing? Why are we not cuddling?"|
|Not too old to play.|
|"May I come up?"|
|This was a common theme.|
|"I insist you pay attention to me.|
These next ones are all from this year.
|Millie was a "wool-sucker," meaning she would suck on the|
blanket as though nursing. It's a sign of being weaned too young
as a kitten. Harley sometimes did it too.
|"What is so important that I can't get on your lap?!"|
|"I'll just sit behind you, then."|
|"See? None of your emails are as important as I am."|
|One way I knew she was pulling away is that she stopped|
cuddling with Bella, though Bella didn't stop trying to get
her to cuddle. Bella knew, before I did.
|Sitting on a pillow, on my chest/stomach. Bedtime ritual.|
|"Are you awake? Geez, it's 7:00. I've been up for hours. You're|
|She knew she was pretty.|
|This was in May. "Got cookies?!"|
|"Why are you on the floor?!" (I was stretching.)|
|She loved the garden.|
|In May, she still enjoyed garden time, but started napping and|
resting more out there, instead of exploring.
|Towards the end of May. School was letting out. Mom and Dad|
were on their cruise. We spent some time outside.
|Still happy to make sure I got up early.|
|A few weeks ago. She was showing more inclination to sleep|
on the floor, so I was happy to find her on the bed, cuddling
|Two weeks ago, after her first appointment with Dr. Ann. We|
had high hopes.
|The next day. I let her come outside while I worked out. She|
was tired, but in good spirits.
|After a few days on thyroid meds, she seemed to be getting|
some of her sass back.
|I was hopeful...but sadly, a few days after this picture, she|
started to turn. It's likely she was very ill. I know in my heart
it was her time to go. Doesn't make it any easier.
I think the hardest part of this wasn't so much the actual having Millie euthanized, as much as just how quickly she went from her sweet, demanding self to being completely without energy or joy anymore. I wasn't ready for it--but to be honest, I wouldn't be ready in a year, or two, or more. I'd never have been ready for it.
Last night, I took a last Millie-related picture on Instagram. It was a glass of wine, in the garden. "To Millie," I captioned it. Rest well, Ms. Joyful.