The C-Word

I got called "cunt" today.

I hate using that word on my blog, but I use it in full because I want you, the reader, to be as shocked as I was, when I opened a message on eBay--on eBay!--and found a disgruntled buyer calling me a really horrible name. I've received the occasional negative feedback on eBay. Someone once got mad that I wouldn't break up a set of magazines (causing way more work than I had time to deal with at that point) and left dishonest feedback that the magazines were missing several pages, etc. I took it in stride--whaddaya gonna do, right? But today, I actually felt myself shaking a little bit as I read a message liberally sprinkled with the f-word and calling me an extremely vile insult.

Here's the back story: I sold a collectible item recently, starting bidding at $1.99. Bidding got a bit competitive and finally, a man won the item for $25. He messaged me before winning the auction to ask a couple of specific questions--does the item work? It does, indeed, look like the picture? Yes, I responded. Last time I tried it, it worked as it's supposed to and I see no reason it wouldn't still. I wrap everything very well for shipping, the item will not break in transit.

Yesterday, I received a message from the auction winner, stating he did not want to be a bother, but he had not received the mug yet. I told him it certainly was not a bother, and checked the shipping--the item had left Los Angeles but the United States Postal Service had no tracking information for it once it got to Canada, where the buyer lives. I told him to please let me know when the item arrived. Apparently, it arrived today, because I received the offensive message telling me that the item does not work as I advertised. I've misled and scammed a poor, broke college student. He hopes I use his money for something really nice for myself, and admonished me that I should feel like a horrible human being.

None of that bothered me--not even the f-word sprinkled all over the place, hell, I use that word all the time (just not often here at the LPB). It was that one c-word that glared at me, that upset me. It was so unwarranted, so angry--not once did he ask me to explain what might have happened, not once did he stop to consider that despite my careful packaging (a ton of bubble wrap and those plastic air-filled pouches that are used for shipping), all of the different hands that handled the package en route from California to Canada could have caused damage to the item. He just assumed I had wronged him, and that I deserved to have an extremely derogatory slur thrown at me.

I did not respond to the message, and immediately reported him to eBay for "foul/abusive language," clearly stating in my complaint that I was called a "cunt" in a message from a buyer. Obviously I've saved the message to use should anyone contact me for more information, or should this buyer try to open a case against me. If he leaves negative feedback, I can leave a note on it stating my side of things.

A few minutes later, I received another message, in which the buyer apologized for using "vulgar language" but re-stated that I should feel horrible. He was adamant in both messages that I should carry some sort of burden of guilt for making him so miserable.

By now, I was getting angry. This immature boy sends a long, hate-filled message, accuses me of lying in my eBay listing (I'll just insert here that I have an excellent seller rating and am a "Top-Rated Seller" on eBay because I have very fast shipping/handling time and reasonable prices--not to mention excellent communication with buyers), swears up one side and down the other, and caps it all of by using an offensive slur...and he thinks I am in the wrong?

Because I am an excellent seller, willing to resolve issues and communicate with buyers, I sent him this message:

At the time of shipment, the item was exactly as I described it in the listing, and exactly as pictured. I pride myself on being an honest seller and I have been 100% honest in my dealings with you.

If it is not to your liking, you can return the item for a full refund of the payment you made and the original shipping cost. Return postage, as per my seller policies listed on all of my auctions, is paid by the buyer.

 He has not responded to this.

Most likely, what we have here is a bully who is looking to get something for nothing. Maybe he's thinking he can be vile and rude and accuse me of being a liar and I will scurry into my corner and offer a full refund, just make the kid happy...what he doesn't realize is that he's dealing with a seasoned middle school teacher. While being called the c-word threw me momentarily, his childish, rage-filled tirade only made me steamed enough to pull on my teacher pants and deal with him as I would any snotty child who thinks they can get along in the world by treating others in such a way. Uh-uh. No way. 

Throughout the afternoon, I got to thinking about my knee-jerk reaction to being called the c-word. Why, exactly, is this word so offensive when used as an insult (had he called me an asshole, a bitch, or any other myriad insulting names, I probably would have shrugged it off). So I took to Google and I found a really fascinating article, A Fascinating History of the "C-Word" by Lindsay Zoladz. The whole article is worth a read, but what really caught my attention was her assertion that, "a word meant to signify female pleasure has been turned against us into something evil, fearful, unspoken."

The history of the word basically encompasses all of female genitalia, including the parts that give pleasure. For a man to use the c-word as an insult is a perfect example of a patriarchal society making women's sexual pleasure something that is taboo or wrong. Of course, today's disgruntled eBay buyer wasn't thinking about my sexuality when he angrily chose to call me a the c-word--he was merely looking for the best possible way to put me in my place for "wronging" him, and he knew, instinctively, that using this slur would be the most effective way of making me feel bad.

I'm not going to allow it to work.