Of course, there's Summer, who read and responded to a lot of emails that day even though she, herself, has a full plate with her teaching and other responsibilities. Her response was simple but heartfelt:
Meg,You would never have known about this without the vet. You did what you thought was best. I am so sorry. I am heartbroken with you. He was such a wonderful, fun cat and you provided him with so much love! He is not in pain anymore.
Summer was the first person in my life to meet Harley. She visited my Stockton apartment shortly after I adopted him, and before I took him to my parents' house for the first time. In subsequent visits, she got to know him and I remember giggling once when he followed her into the bathroom and I heard her say, "I want a cat just like you!" I may have called out, "No you don't! He's demon spawn!"
Maayan was in the midst of a hectic week of friends visiting from Israel and working, but she made a point of calling me--twice. The first time, I was in the shower and let her know later that I wasn't really up for talking anyway (this was Monday). On Tuesday, however, I was a bit more ready to talk, and she listened and let me cry at her for several minutes.
Then there's Kathy, my English Mum, and the biggest animal lover I know. I emailed her on Monday night, looking for the sympathy I knew she would send across the pond. She didn't let me down.
I am so, so sorry to hear your news. No-one knows better than I do what a tough call it is to lose a pet, especially one who should have had a lot more years. What a silly boy, eating a needle; but, that's the kind of guy he was, wasn't he? From what you've told me he was an adventurer and I have no doubt lived every minute to the full. He's not suffering now, he's left that to you, but you can take comfort from knowing he couldn't have had a more loving mum or a happier life. As they say, pain is the price we pay for love and although it doesn't feel like that now, you will know in your heart that it is so worth it.
Perhaps the most meaningful response, however, came from Marian. Marian, of course, is an adoption coordinator for Animal Friends Connection, the group I adopted Harley from, and where I volunteered for a while when I was living in Stockton. Marian was the person who saw my online application and called me to discuss adoption options. She invited me to come to PetCo the next day to see the cats and kittens they had. The next day, I met my Little Dude and it was Marian who went through all the adoption paperwork with me, and later, it was she who delivered my new baby to my apartment.
It was also Marian who begged me to take four tiny kittens into my bathroom in July 2010. : )
In the time I've known her, I've asked advice about raising cats and recognizing health issues. On Monday morning, I frantically called her asking if she knew where I might get assistance to help Harley. And she tried--she was happy to try, because she liked to say that Harley and I were a "love match."
When she called me to check how things were, and I sobbed, "Marian, I had to put him down..." I could hear her breath catch in her throat. I know that her heart, too, hurt. I worried that she might think it was my fault--how silly of me.
You cannot blame yourself - although I know it's hard not to - been there myself unfortunately. Freak accidents happen and kitties are curious little creatures that sometimes don't know the trouble they're getting into.
Take comfort in the years you had with him and the love you brought each other.
Of course, I've struggled this week with the guilt, and the shock. Today is the first day I've been able to go without crying, and I'm feeling stronger emotionally.
So many other friends have been wonderful. Melissa, a long-time NASCAR friend who herself has loved and lost her share of animal friends, sent me a text message, as did Chris, who understands more than many people how much an animal can mean. A new friend has started many textathons--our election night conversation via text message lasted about four hours and was clearly designed (he admitted it!) to distract me. Even M. the Reasonable dropped what he was doing on Tuesday morning when I saw him at the gym and told him, rather bluntly, "I had to have my cat put down yesterday..."
Monday's status update on Facebook telling everyone I'd lost Harley generated over 50 responses, and more responses came in when I posted the link to the blog post I wrote that day.
Even as my heart was breaking, there was a lovely knowledge that people care, and understand what I'm going through.
Today, I got a card in the mail from my brother, Aaron. He's not really known for being the Great Communicator...he seems to feel more comfortable holding his emotions close to his chest. But he took the time to find and purchase a pet sympathy card and write a heartfelt note to me:
I am so sorry about Harley's passing. It's never an easy thing to lose a pet. Just remember, pets go to heaven. You will get to see him again someday. He was lucky to have you.
My sister-in-law Susanne added a little handwritten note in the card, telling me Harley was lucky to have me for a mom.
So I soldier on. This week has been a bit wasted, in that I really haven't pushed myself to get things done, aside from the most necessary things, like lesson plans. I have made myself work out every day, but instead of pushing too hard, I have taken it easy and just let myself get lost in the rhythm of running and such. Next week I'll go back to normal, but for now, I'm allowing myself to grieve and to talk about Harley. I'm cuddling with Millie and pondering some sort of memorial for Harley. When our family dog Molly died, my parents suggested we plant a tree. Molly's Tree grew to be enormous in the front yard of our Folsom house, and we always enjoyed knowing it was a symbol of the love our whole family had for her. Mom and I discussed the possibility of planing a rose bush in the springtime, one we can enjoy for a long time.
Which brings me to one last really lovely gesture from a friend. Lindsay helps run a fantastic fundraiser inspired by her love for the TV show Supernatural. One of the actors, Jared Padalecki, supports A Dog's Life Rescue, and Lindsay's efforts help to raise money for that wonderful cause. I actually burst into tears when I saw this on Wednesday:
If there is any good to be taken from the shock and horror of finding out my cat swallowed a needle, then having to make the gut-wrenching decision to have him euthanized, it is being reminded anew how wonderful my friends are. I hope that as I move forward, I'll feel less guilt and horror and more peace, and joy that Harley brought so much happiness and laughter to my life (even when he was being a total demon spawn)--and that he inspired such an outpouring of love and sympathy in his death.
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| "What greater gift than the love of a cat." -- Charles Dickens |
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