Joy

I hardly know where to start. I'm sitting here at the computer, bawling. The ugly kind of crying that involves a lot of nose-blowing and red, puffy eyes and surely a fierce headache if I don't knock it off.

I'm so happy right now. But I can't stop bawling.

I'm coming up on two full years of unemployment. I left Stockton Unified at the end of May in 2010, confident that I would find a job fairly quickly. Sure, the economy sucked, but I had eight years of teaching (nine if you counted subbing and student teaching) under my belt and I'd done awesome things like teach in England and run a choir program. Who wouldn't want me?

Well, it turns out, no one did.

I know I came close many times. I just always ended up getting edged out by someone with a little bit more experience, or with slightly better interview skills, perhaps. It's all well and good to come close, but "close" doesn't pay the rent.

So I forged ahead on unemployment. It kept he rent paid--in the year I lived in Stockton with my benefits, I was only late paying rent one time, and that was because the Independence Day holiday delayed my check from arriving in time for me to turn in my rent payment.

Living on unemployment has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life. Going two years, searching for job opportunities and being turned down by Target--Target!!--has been humbling. It is not easy on my huge Leo pride to go to interview after interview after interview and come back with nothing to show for it.

Moving back in with Mom and Dad at age 33 wasn't the easiest thing, either. It's been an adjustment for all of us, and believe me, I know I am one lucky, lucky woman to have parents who will allow her to be a "boomerang child." They are nothing but supportive, and have remained so through this whole crazy year of more interviews, more rejections, the Great Insurance Debacle of 2012, and more.

On Saturday, I interviewed for a job with an arts camp that is designed for ESL (English as a Second Language) kids here in the Sacramento area. It's funny; I left the house feeling like my lesson plan was weak, but a busy week and a hectic weekend of choir rehearsals and concert call times had me almost not even caring anymore. I just wanted to survive Saturday so I could spend Sunday afternoon napping.

But the most amazing thing happened--I got to the interview and suddenly realized that my lesson was everything the ladies on the panel wanted; that my approach--less emphasis on fancy-schmancy music terms and more focus on just learning the English language--was what they wanted. And that my attitude, my love for working with kids, and my experiences of working with kids from many different backgrounds and cultures, were huge marks in my favor, as well. I left the interview feeling very positive, after the panel told me they loved what I had to say, they loved my lesson, and were very interested.

I walked out of that interview knowing that this was exactly what I wanted...and yet so afraid to hope that after two years of "almost" and "it was close, but we hired someone else," I might actually get this job.

A few minutes ago, I received the following message in my email:

We are pleased to let you know, that we have selected you as Music Instructor, on our ESL Arts Advantage team, for the upcoming summer camps. We are still waiting for the numbers to come in so we can send you official offer letters with more details in regards to your positions. Please bear with us, we cannot rush the process, and we appreciate your patience.

If you have secured another position or are not interested in accepting this position please let us know. We need to fill each position and want to know if you would like to join our team. 

Friends...I read this and I promptly burst into those noisy, snotty, obnoxious tears. Two years of applying for jobs, writing letters, driving insane miles for interviews (Salinas, King City? I would have moved there had I been offered the jobs). Two years of uncertainty. Two years of choosing between paying the electric bill or having a little extra on hand for gas for the car this week. And finally, finally, someone wants to hire me.

Two years of feeling like no one would ever want to hire me to teach again. Because it seemed like no matter how good I looked on paper, no matter how enthusiastic and knowledgeable I came across in an interview, I couldn't get past the non-reelect, or the time of unemployment.

This job is not a permanent job--it is only temporary. But in terms of how it will build my confidence, just being hired again, and how it will look to have current employment on my resume, it is huge. A very big deal. The panel said there could possibly be an opportunity for the job to become a more permanent thing as the company grows; if so, that's great. If not, I have that oh-so-important current working experience, and a new, valuable reference on my resume.

So yes, I cried uncontrollably and soaked through half a box of tissue. I am feeling so much joy, and yet so overwhelmed by it. So all I could do for a few minutes was sob. I've managed to calm down now...I just can't explain how it is to go two years, starting to face that you may never be hired to teach music again.

This doesn't stop my job search. But it does make me confident that a position in a school could become available to me...I'm making things happen!