Not Weak

I couldn't run this morning.

Gah, how I tried. I gave it a go for a couple of minutes, and my body just protested every step. Even after a long walking warm-up and some stretching, my legs were tight and my back was unhappy. So I settled for an hour of walking instead of my usual thirty-minute run.

Whaddaya gonna do?

All that walking gave me some time to think, and at first, my thoughts veered towards my frustration and anxiety about the back pain I've been having. It feels like a weakness, having an injury, and in my training so far, I've never had this kind of setback. I keep thinking that maybe M. the Reasonable will think I'm not upholding my end of this training deal.

But as I kept walking, it occurred to me that I am lucky. In almost three years of working with trainers, I've never been injured before now. Sure, there's been soreness and the war wound I got dropping a 25-pound weight only to have it ricochet off my ankle, but there has been nothing that has set me back physically--only mentally. I've powered through all of those mental blocks as I've met them, but powering through a physical injury isn't possible--I have to work with my body, and my body is calling all the shots right now.

It's unbelievably frustrating.

Anyway, as I walked, I thought back to my Wednesday appointment with M. and how he told me of a shoulder injury he's been dealing with for a while now. He also recently had some foot issues after running a 10K. Here's a guy who trains for a living, who is in terrific shape, also having injuries. It makes me feel better to know that I'm actually quite normal having some back pain. I'm not weak; I'm strong...I'm just having a setback. I don't particularly need a setback right now, but I have to deal with these things as they come, and I can. And my trainer won't see me as weak--he just wants to help me get better.

So I stretch. And I walk. I eat well, stretch some more, and take extra-long hot showers because damn, my back loves those. When my body lets me, I run. I do the exercises I can, and follow M.'s advice (except for his advice to not buy Angry Birds on my new Kindle, but that's another story for another blog post...as soon as I've completed level 4). Maybe I whine a little here and there, but then I tell myself to shut up...and stretch again.

I'm so much stronger than I give myself credit for.