It's hard to believe, but the last time I had a personal training session was July 2010. I've mostly held steady with my weight and working out, and I've been mostly happy about that. At least I wasn't gaining, right?
My move, while absolutely the best thing I could have done, has thrown me off a little bit, and a few weeks ago, I hurt my back. It's fine now, but it got me out of my running regime and I haven't been able to make myself get back into it.
So I've been mulling over buying more training--with no rent I can certainly afford it--and today, I strode over to the gym manager and bought 23 sessions.
I'm really excited. I need that motivation right now, and I know that working with a trainer will help me find it. I'll also get some new exercise ideas and I'll have assignments between appointments that I'm expected to meet. Bring it on.
Sometimes it's hard to remember just how strong I am, and that I am much more of an athlete than I give myself credit for. Thirty years of thinking myself a klutz, a stationary type, a non-athlete...it's hard to overcome that and believe that no, actually, I'm strong, and fit, and capable. I'm a runner, a lifter, and I can move and balance and be strong. Sometimes it takes someone who is not a close friend or a family member bullying it into me.
I admit, I was tempted to arrange something with Gershom where I'd drive to Stockton once a week (it's only an hour!) and work with him. Gershom was everything I needed in a trainer and I know that with his help, this last 30-40 pounds would melt right off. But my life is here now, and if I'm honest, I don't yet feel very comfortable in the Roseville club. Working with a trainer there will help me feel I belong so that I can go in any time and feel like I own the place. Right now, it's intimidating to go there, surrounded by people who don't know me and my story.
The manager was very helpful and instead of pairing me up right away with a trainer, he said he'd like to think for a few hours about just who to pair me up with. I told him I need someone who will not accept excuses, who will push me even when I whine. "I once threw up while running with Gershom," I told him this morning. "Gershom just waited for me to finish, said, 'You gonna quit?' and then encouraged me onwards when I didn't quit." I think that story, more than any of my other Wild and Absolutely True adventures in weight loss, is the best illustration of what I'm looking for in a trainer and just how committed I am to making this happen.
As I mentioned above, I have about 30, maybe 40, more pounds to lose. They'll be stubborn, but I know I can do this--after all, I lost 60 pounds--sixty!!--in Stockton. I just need help, and someone pushing me in those times when I can't push myself.
I'm excited. None of this has ever been easy, but if it were easy, I wouldn't appreciate it. I've worked hard to lose the weight, and I will have to continue to work hard to be healthy and happy in my body. I don't have expectations that I'll come out looking like a 21-year-old. I'm always going to have hips and booty and bosom. But that doesn't mean I can't lose the lingering belly and back fat and tone up my arms and legs. It doesn't mean I can't be strong, and able to kick a little butt in a 5K.
Of course, I posted a status update to Facebook announcing this, and I've already had a comment from Gershom: "Hopefully they take you to your limit." Indeed, Gershom, indeed. I know that when they do, I'll be able to do it because you never let me quit.
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