That's It, Ethel

You're fired.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm in the market for a new fairy godmother. Actually--I'm not in the market for a fairy godmother. It's time I took things into my own hands and made my life happen instead of sitting around waiting for Ethel to finish her umpteenth ciggy before clambering into her pink Caddie and hitting the road in search of someone for me to date.

Yesterday, I quit the online dating thing--again. This time, I think it's for good.

Some of my friends have had great success with online dating. I've had some nice dates and met a couple of nice guys but for the most part, I have found my forays into Match, Yahoo, and OkCupid (the worst by far because it's free) to be largely a study in the baser part of our anthropological history. I've lost count--mostly because I'm trying to block it all out--of how many guys approached me for the first time with a comment about my curvy figure. The expression "more cushion for the pushin'" was actually considered an okay introduction at one point. I did not grace that one with a reply.

I figured it's all part of the online dating thing and kept on trucking. I sent messages. Sometimes I got a reply, sometimes I didn't. Things looked promising, then fizzled out. I just plugged along, but more and more, I realized that it's too easy to sit at home trying to get a date on a web site...and to ignore that big ole world right outside, where there are actual human beings wandering around.

The clincher came yesterday, when I sent a message to a nice-enough guy. I liked his profile--we had a lot of common interests. I sent a short-but-sweet introductory message and quickly received a reply.

"Thanks for the kind words but I'm not interested at this time."

Well, of course, the first reaction was that sort of heavy feeling of rejection in the gut. Then a teensy bit of anger because really? Really?! I wanted to reply, "Well, should I check back in six months?" I understand that he's not interested--that's fine. But his response was so...business professional!

But then the most amazing thing happened: I laughed. Because there was something so hilarious about getting a form-letter rejection on a dating site. And it was just what I needed to delete my account--no more queries about my interest in casual sex, no more comments about the rather obvious attributes I possess. No more single-word messages from a guy who thinks he's going to blow my mind with a simple "hey," who can't even bother with the shift key or punctuation.

So that's where I'm at. A link came up on my Facebook today about the free summer concert schedule here in Stockton, and I think I'll go to a few. You know, get out and live for a change. And if I don't meet someone here, well...maybe, just maybe, life has a new adventure in store for me soon.

Stay tuned.