Perfect

As someone who has gone through the whole range of emotions that come with gaining weight through my twenties and rather quickly losing it in my early 30s, believe me, there has been a lot of self-reflection.

I was adored growing up--I never doubted that. Even when Mom and Dad were frustrated with me, there was always, always, and underlying love and in my mind, the knowledge that no matter what I did, they couldn't stop loving me.

But no matter how much your parents adore you, no matter how much they strive to build you up, there is this huge world out there that can so easily tear you down. I see it all the time in my friends, in my students, and in myself. For me it was acne, a pudgy body, a love of playing in marching band. It was letting two boys hurt me in college and then feeling like that was it--if they couldn't love me, who would? And I got so tired of feeling that way about myself. I think that, above anything else, was the driving force behind losing weight--I was so tired of thinking I couldn't take better care of myself.

Earlier this week, I saw a few friends on Facebook post a video for Pink's new song, "F***ing Perfect." I vaguely thought I should watch it but didn't get to it until tonight, when one of my Keane friends posted it somewhere and I clicked play.

It made me cry.

Just about every girl and woman I know is this song. Oh, not everyone cuts themselves--but every single one of us has that inner voice that doubts herself, and before I found this video tonight, I saw it plainly in my young Keane friend--a gorgeous girl who has so many self-doubts that she can't see how gorgeous, how special she really is. She's a 19-year-old who regularly chats with a bunch of 30-somethings. Her maturity, humor and kindess radiate from deep in her...and yet, she allows the voices in her head to be mean to her.

So I'm posting this on my blog for every girl and woman I know and love. You are perfect to me. I wish you knew that.