When Adulthood Really, Really SUCKS.

I had a job interview this morning, at a charter middle school in San Jose.

The job? Ideal. Small class sizes, kids who chose music as an elective, who want to learn an instrument. Nice school, well-maintained.

The interview? I rocked it. The principal actually told me I had a great interview. There are only four candidates for the job. My chances seem good.

So, what's the catch?

Well, if I get the job, I'd have to start on Monday. Yes, as in Monday, August 30th.

And...San Jose. I don't know much about it, except that it's in the heart of the (in)famous Silicon Valley. Its an extension of the San Francisco Bay Area, and therefore, expensive. Cost of livingis outrageous there--and the teacher salaries do reflect that. At my current place on the pay scale, I'd be making something like $10,000-$12,000 MORE each year. But I'd also be paying a lot more in rent, and I'd probably have to commute longer, in worse traffic.

And something else bothered me.

The principal brought up my non-reelect. That, in itself, doesn't bother me. It happened, it sucks, but it certainly doesn't define who I am as a teacher. But it was interesting hearing this man praise my interviewing schools and then completely trashing my former school district and the place I call home.

"Stockton is strange."

"Stockton is a joke."

Yes, sir, and Stockton is my home!!

And while there is one particular principal who will never be on my Christmas card list and an HR director who doesn't know his ass from his elbow, and the school board is nuttier than a fruitcake, and there is no end in sight to the superintendent woes...well, SUSD wasn't such a terrible place to work. I was happy there, except for one school for one year, because of one person.

And if you've been keeping up with this blog, you know that I am excited about Chorale, and Mozart, and possibilities.

At this point in the day--nearing six o'clock and still no word from the district--there's probably no need for me to even worry. The longer I go without hearing from the district, the more likely it is they decided to hire someone else.

It doesn't stop a family famous for worrying from doing what they do best.

I worry enough to drive myself insane, but then you have to factor in the parental units, who worry even more.

In a one-hour period this afternoon, I had four--FOUR--different phone conversations with a parent/both parents about this whole thing. Mom, bless her, is remarkably preach-free, just reminding me to listen to my gut, consider all angles, and do what I think is best.

Dad, bless him, is frantically trying to put all of his little ducks back in a tidy row. I am picturing him in my mind, buzzing around the house like a low-flying helicopter, unable to land but just hovering as he worries. Is San Jose too far? Too expensive? To unsafe? Too much traffic? Who will move Meg? Who will pay for it? How? Why? What? When?

Huh?

Needless to say, the conversations have been exhausting.

The fourth call (from Mom) came right after I spoke to my friend Katie. Turns out, our friend Lisa has stage 1 cancer (some kind of glandular cancer). A 32-year-old mother of three that I've known since elementary school. Yes, stage 1 is the best possible time for cancer to be found, and yes, there are so many advances in treatments. But Jesus, cancer is so fucking scary.

So when Mom called, my immediate reaction was, "I shouldn't ever tell you guys ANYTHING."

"Megan, I'm just trying to make peace between  you and Dad. Don't blame me." Of course, I immediately felt bad and apologized. I told her about Lisa, and I told her about wanting a salary again, and benefits, and spending money. I told her about my misgivings, and not wanting to leave Stockton, and how after a months-long stance of, "If you get a job and have to move, you need to do it" from Dad, this sudden case of, "San Jose? But--but--San Jose?!" is giving me whiplash.

It didn't take long for the waterworks to start.

Adulthood has so many perks, and tonight, I'm going to take advantage of a few. I'm going to have a glass of wine, and watch a movie in MY living room.

But adulthood can suck, too--decisions are not always easy, and sometimes, you have to make one that seems wrong, but might actually be right.

That is, if I'm even offered the job.