Thirty-One Lessons

In less than 12 hours, I will hit 31 years of age. To celebrate, I've got a "through the years" picture post scheduled for 6:00 tomorrow morning (the time I was born--8:00 in Nebraska is 6:00 in California).

Tonight, I'm posting thirty-one lessons I've learned in my life so far. Some are serious, some are funny. All are true. You could even say they're Wild and Absolutely True.

Anyway, here they are.

1. Always take the chance to go potty.

No matter where you are--whether you're on a Seattle-to-San Francisco flight, praying that the plane's landing won't make you wet yourself, or about to teach two 50-minute periods of middle school with your 32-ounce bottle of water in one hand, always, always pee beforehand. A bladder can only take so much.

2. Loving someone is never a crime.

In my life, I've had my share of unrequited crushes on people. I've even had guys (mostly in college) seem to react negatively to my crush--as though its bad, or shameful, that I could love them when all they want is friendship.

I've learned that those silly boys were the ones who were wrong. Loving someone is never bad--it's the lack of love that causes so many problems. So I love people freely and withoug guilt, knowing full well that not all of them will love me back. Does it hurt? Sometimes. But I still maintain that loving someone is better than never knowing how.

3. "The one thing you can count on in life is change."

This one comes from my mom. Mom said this too me so many times in my childhood that I made up a song and dance routine for it. But it is a lesson that stuck. And it helped me realize that change isn't bad--it just is. Sure, walking into the unknown is scary. But sometimes, it's also kind of fun.

4. Music IS the food of love.

I love the Shakespeare quote (from, I believe, Twelfth Night), "If music be the food of love, play on."

Music has been so much a part of my life and I honestly believe in the power of music to lift stress off my shoulders, heal the pain in my heart, and make me feel gloriously happy. It also made my math scores higher, so...bonus.

5. NASCAR: It's not just for rednecks!

In July 2001, I baffled friends and family alike by taking on a new interest: NASCAR racing. Eight years on, my interest has waned a bit, but I still consider myself a fan--especially of Dale Earnhardt Jr. I think it's his pitifully unlucky and bad year that is keeping me from watching these days.

The amount of comments I receive about NASCAR being a "redneck" sport, or the intelect of the drivers and the people who cheer for them, amaze me. If liking the fast cars and the strategy of pit stops is a redneck trait, well, I guess you have to lump me into that column.

Which reminds me...

6. Never try to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Somehow, I was lucky enough to learn early in life (at least by the time I started college) that it's perfectly okay to be true to yourself, and, in fact, people will like you more for it.

"Frankly, Megan, Angela and I laugh at people who letter in band," sneered Teri, a girl in my freshman English class. The rest of the class, made up of cheerleaders and popular-crowd wannabes, raised their eyebrows. I think even the teacher waited to see what my response would be.

"Okay," I replied, before going back to my assignment. I simply didn't let her get to me. Because frankly, Teri, I feel sorry for people like you who don't have anything they love so much as I love my music. And your comment isn't going to make me rip that big blue F with "BAND" stitched on it off of my jacket.

Besides, I was so much MORE than a band nerd. I was an honor roll student, respected by my teachers and the school principal.

By the way, Teri is now married to a former band nerd. Which leads me to my next lesson.

7. Life is funny. Go ahead, laugh.

Laughter is the best medicine--it's true. Try it. There are times when it's either laugh or cry, and I've learned that finding the joke and having a good, long crack-up over it is better than disolving into tears.

I'll never forget one night in college. My friend Sarah and I were driving to Chico Mall when her car got a flat. She pulled off the freeway, on a long exit lane. As we approached the light, it turned yellow, then red, and I thought, "Crap, we're going to miss the light."

Then it occured to me that by the time we got the limping car to the light, it would already be green again.

A laugh bubbled up, but I quickly suppressed it. Sarah was the type to get angry in situations like that, so I didn't want to upset her...but I couldn't help it. A tear leaked out of one eye, and another bubble of laughter escaped.

"What?" said Sarah, eyeing me.

I told her my thoughts, and she surprised me by cracking up herself. It was just too funny NOT to see the humor in the situation.

8. Swearing might be unladylike, but sometimes...

Sometimes I just have to use bad words. I do NOT use them at work, where I actually stop and think about everything I say before I say it. But at home, with my closest friends, etc., the swear words come out.

Does it make me sound educated? No. Classy? Nope. But sometimes, life can only be summed up in one word, and that word is, "FUUUUUUUUUUUU---!!!"

9. I CAN, dammit.

This lesson took longer, but I've been learning it this year. I can lose weight. I can get stronger. I can, I can, I can. And I am.

Yesterday, I did 10 walking planks without stopping or taking a knee again. Just a month ago, this was impossible for me. My arms would wobble, my back would bow, my knees would crash to the floor. Now, it's possible. I take a deep breath, focus on the task at hand, and do them. An exercise I used to dread is now doable--not easy, mind you, but doable.

I CAN.

10. Home really is where you hang your hat--literally.

In 31 years, I have lived in...are you ready for this?

Omaha, Nebraska
Zaragosa, Spain
Rancho Cordova, California
Folsom, California (House #1)
Folsom, California (House #2)
Chico, California
Folsom, California (House #2 AGAIN, after college)
Burnham-on-Crouch, Essex, England
Port Ludlow, Washington
Lincoln, California
Antioch, California
Stockton, California

The longest my family has ever lived in one town (Folsom) was 17 years. In one house? Folsom House #1, for 11 years.

Home is not a particular structure. Home is family, the most special posessions that can travel with you, and furbabies. I've survived all these moves because I had consistency of family (except for England, but Kathy and Derek became my English family and that helped the transition a lot) and my cats to keep me sane.

Which is why, when I face the prospect of getting laid off this year, I wasn't afraid of the idea of moving.

11. Age ain't nothin' but a number.

I am 31 years old.

I have a massive collection of Snoopy stuff. I took my dear old stuffed Snoopy doll to England with me--in my carry-on!

I sometimes pull out my favorite young adult books for a good re-read.

I have friends in their early 20s, and friends who are in their "golden years" (Stockton Chorale is awesome for that).

I am adult enough to stare down 30 8th graders with one raised eyebrow, and yet there's enough 5-year-old in me to actually enjoy singing about the "Puppet Friends" with my kindergartners.

My parents say I was always "an old soul." And yet, I'm a kid at heart. My age? Irrelelvent.

12. "A wet bird never flies at night."

Thanks for that pearl of wisdom, Dad.

13. Hand sanitizer might just save my life someday.

I learned an important lesson in my first year of teaching. I learned it by coming down with Strep Throat. Oh, the misery!

Ever since then, I keep hand sanitizer on hand. Yes, yes, some germs are good, and therefore, I don't use it all the time. But I definitely wash my hands before eating my lunch, or before touching my face. And immediately after playing any sort of circle came with my teenies.

14. I must have a working vacuum cleaner in order to survive.

The vacuum cleaner. My sanity. When I am stressed, I vacuum. When the cats track litter all over the 2nd bedroom (where their potty boxes are), I vacuum. Vacuuming is satisfying and calming. Hearing the debris get sucked up (especially when it's a bug I've hairsprayed to death) is therapeutic...and a hell of a lot cheaper than a therapist bill.

I can go months without dusting, but I have to vacuum at least once a week. Sometimes more.

We all have our weird obsessions, right?

15. Cat kisses are satisfying in a big way.

As I finished up that last lesson, I glanced over at Millie, who is sitting on top of the warm hard drive to my left. She looked back and did a long, slow blink--that, in cat body language, is a kiss. It's not only a sign of affection towards me, but also a sign of absolute trust. Cats are not creatures who close their eyes when they feel vulnerable. Millie knows she is safe with me. That makes me feel good.

16. This list is hard.

I've been at this for an hour and twenty minutes now (with breaks to check Facebook, Twitter and my email), and it's hard to think of good life lessons. Sixteen down, fifteen to go.

17. Life is precious.

I just clicked on a headline from my Yahoo homepage: "Neeson walks red carpet for first time since wife died." It made me think about how precious life is. How fast it goes by, and how important it is to let people know you love them.

I end every phone conversation with my parents with "I love you!" They're not trite words. They're honest words.

And you, reading this? I love you, too, because you care enough about me to read 31 crazy-ass lessons I've decided to write on a Tuesday night.

18. I was British in a past life.

But we all knew that.

19. The quickest way to ruin a perfectly good sofa is...

to adopt a kitten.

He is just lucky that I fell in love with him within about five minutes of meeting him. Because there are times he tries my patience.

I won't even get started on the one plant I managed to keep alive in my 31 years, that is now seriously chewed on.

20. Love what you do.

I knew, fairly early, that I wanted to be a teacher. In high school, I knew it would be a great career for me. And I was right.

It's not an easy career for me. Seven years in, I still struggle sometimes. But it is a satisfying career, and one I want to stick with for a while (unless I get discovered and asked to sing on Broadway, but...well, that's probably not going to happen!). I get so exasperated by my kids, and yet, I'm so entertained by them.

Plus, there's something so satisfying about watching the light go on over a child's head. And knowing that in some small way, barely even noticeable at this point in time, you are touching that students' life and making it better.

21. Being alone does not equal being lonely.

Living by myself, traveling by myself, even going to movies by myself. I do this stuff regularly. I also travel and do things with family and friends, but the simple truth is, I learned a while ago that I can be on my own and not be lonely. I actually enjoy my own company. That's not to say that I don't want to be in a relationship, or eventually live with a guy--I'm just saying that it's not going to kill me to wait 'til the right one and I find our way to each other.

22. Kindess matters.

My mom likes this one, and recently gave me a little sign for my apartment that says this.

It's true. Kindness matters. It is so easy to dismiss a "dumb" idea with a wave of the hand and a snarky remark. It's easy to look at someone and make judgements based on appearance, clothing, the car they drive, the color of their skin. It's easy to encounter a rude person and be rude right back.

It's harder to be kind. But it's also better.

(Except that awful woman at WalMart in Antioch a few years ago. Yes, she deserved me looking at her and saying, "No remorse" after she accused me of cutting in line.)

23. Time wounds all heels.

Somehow, I have to re-learn this lesson once a year. I inevitably convince myself that I'll be okay wearing those darling heels to work, and then I have massive regrets to go along with the massive blisters.

Not that this happened just yesterday, or anything.

Ballet flats, for the win.

24. Never drink two full pots of tea at the Empress Hotel and expect to get any sleep that night.

Chalk it up as one lesson that was learned the hard way.

25. It can always be worse.

I complain about a lot of things (my classless, noisy neighbors, whiny students, lack of funding) but I also try to remember, at all times, that my life is pretty damned good. I have a job, a home, enough money for food and clothing. I have a working car, family and friends...the list goes on and on.

I am not suffering in the slightest.

26. Depression is NOT something to be ashamed of.

Many years ago, depression and other mood disorders were shameful--not something you told others about. These days, there's less stigma, more acceptance. We're all realizing that pretty much everyone has a hard time navigating through life at times. So when I was diagnosed as having situational anxiety/depression in Antioch, instead of hiding it, I talked about it. I blogged about it. I honestly believe that being open about my depression helped me overcome it.

27. The simplest gifts are the best.

A friend sent me a birthday present. It arrived today. One part of the gift was a cross-stitch she made of a cute little house with flowers around it, and "Kiss My Grits" stitched on. It made me laugh, and will fnid a prominent place to be displayed.

Thanks, Sara. : )

28. The Internet is the best invention ever.

And the most time-consuming.

29. "Roll with it" is a good motto to have.

I learned, two days before school started, that I would be teaching on two campuses this year. It was hectic, confusing, and I've had to learn two schedules. I'm still a little bit discombobulated.

I decied, very early, to "just roll with it." This has served me well. While others around me get stressed and upset, I just...roll. No stress.

30. British rock bands are the best.

As evidence, I present: Queen, Muse, Snow Patrol, Coldplay, and, of course...Keane.

31. When it comes to birthday cake, the calories don't count.

Which is why I bought one to take to work tomorrow.

It's my birthday. Let me eat cake.