On Dads

I have always been thankful that I have the dad I have. The man who helped raise Meg of the LPB is a good man, a generous man, and through the years, he has taught me a lot of good lessons. As a tribute to him on Father's Day, I'd like to share the best and most memorable ideas and pearls of wisdom I've received from Colonel Cooper.

1. Don't let you alligator mouth get the best of your cardboard butt.

Dad is particularly fond of this one. I have learned that sometimes, shutting up and thinking about your response to someone is better than blurting out the first thought that comes to mind. You avoid a lot of bad vibes this way, and also avoid volunteering for that job no one else will do.

2. Diplomacy is a good thing.

My dad has been president of a few organizations in his time, including the Folsom High School Band Boosters, and currently, the Veteran's Group in his community. People like him because he is a true diplomat. He allows people to share their ideas about something, and then calmly, nicely replies with what could work, and what might not, using examples from his personal experience. I've watched him in action. He never strikes a bad idea down with, "That won't work. Next!" He allows for discussion (within reason) and makes the person who had the idea feel validated. That way, they'll come to the next meeting and continue to offer ideas and input, instead of quitting the group in a huff of "No one listens to me!"

3. Cooper Rule Number 1: Try not to be a pain in the ass.

This one speaks pretty clearly for itself.

4. There's no crying in baseball!

Okay, so he stole this wonderful little line from "A League of Their Own." He picked right up on that when he saw the movie years and years ago, and has made it a line he uses on me--a lot. When I have struggled with stress and anxiety, the first people I turn to are Mom and Dad. Dad never allows me to wallow in the anxiety, but instead tells me, "There's no crying in baseball. Tomorrow, go in there and get the job done. No one wants your tears." And he's right. This also leads to the next pearl of wisdom...

It's not worth getting upset over unless someone is dead or dying.

When I freak out over the small stuff, Dad likes to remind me that no one has died, and no one is terminally ill. In other words, it's okay, stop freaking out, and fix the problem.

5. Someday, when you go to college...

Mom and Dad both never used the words "if" and "college" in the same sentence when talking to me (or about me). It was always, WHEN. There was never a doubt in their minds that going to college would be a reality and necessity for me. They never told me to just grow up, get married, and have babies. Of course they wish love and family for me--but on MY terms, and when I'M ready.

Dad watched how the divorce rate in our society was rising and knew that his daughter would need to have job skills--a career--to fall back on, should she get married and then divorced or widowed. He knew that women need to be ready to survive on their own.

So college was never an "if." It was always a "when." And he and Mom whole-heartedly supported my goals. For example:

6. "Have you ever thought about studying abroad?"

Dad is a retired military man--he had twenty-one years in the Air Force and retired in 1986 as a lieutenant colonel. His career took him to Okinawa, Guan, Thailand, the Vietnamese air space, Germany, Turkey, Spain and beyond. His career is the reason this diehard California Girl was born in Nebraska.

He knew that travel is a good thing--that seeing the world and expanding one's world view are important factors in anyone's education. So, at the beginning of my junior year of college, he brought up the idea of studying abroad. He asked what kind of programs Chico had. I mentioned London Semester. Then Dad uttered the words that would change the course of my life:

"If you set it up, I'll pay for it."

Four months later, I was on a London-bound 747, and my life has never been the same. See, the thing is, I had never thought about studying abroad until Dad brought it up. He planted the seed, and because of that, I have lived in England twice and been unafraid to travel the world ever since.

7. "We will never judge you."

This one is really BOTH of my parents. When I was about 14 years old, they sat me down and we had The Talk--all three of us. Dad didn't bow out from male embarassment and leave it to Mom.

They told me they think sex is something that belongs in a loving, committed relationship, but they also understood that as I got older, I might be tempted to try it for myself. With or without the love and commitment part. They told me they hoped I would never have sex with a guy just to please him or keep him--it should be something I do because I want to, period.

They told me they would hate to see their daughter get pregnant as a teenager, or get an STD, because they believed I had so much ahead of me to do and achieve. So they told me, if I really, really felt that I needed to have sex with someone, to please come to them--they wouldn't berate or judge or try to talk me out of it--they would just prefer I have access to birth control. "We will never judge you," they told me. "We love you."

I've never forgotten that discussion. They never told me, "DON'T HAVE SEX." They made the decision mine, and told me they believed in my ability to make the right choice for myself--at 14 years of age.

That, my friends, his how you talk to a teenager.


There are so many things I've learned from Dad, but the most important words he has ever said to me are:

"I love you."

"I'm proud of you."


Happy Father's Day, Colonel Cooper. I love you, too.