Blender, margarita mix, cheap-ass tequila, taquitos, sour cream, and two frosted sugar cookies.
Yeah...we had a lockdown today. About two minutes before I was going to dismiss my little darlings (that was written with a lot of sarcasm, they are not darling in the least), an announcement came over the intercom.
"HEY! QUIET! I'M TRYING TO HEAR THE...."
It did not help any. My kids did not shut up. I missed the announcement.
Okay, now Miss Cooper is pissed. I mean, royally pissed. Enter Ms. Dean of Students, the recently-appointed person in charge of discipline issues at the middle school. She let me know of the lockdown, and brought back three students who had been in the office: one because he wasn't feeling well, and the other two because they're buttheads.
Anyway, I was really pissed to know that I had missed a freakin' lockdown announcement because I have some little buttheads who don't care that they are flunking choir.
I might add, that before any of the lockdown drama, I had sent FOUR kids out of my room, two to the office, two to the band teacher, because of behavior. The first two left when I realized they were having a water fight. The other two left when I saw them running around behind the risers when I turned back from putting our backing CD in.
So no, it just wasn't one of our better days.
Anyway, the lockdown began at about 12:25, I guess. Class lets out at 12:28. I'm normally driving home by 12:45.
Today, I spent almost 50 extra minutes in my choir room with forty-six sixth grade students. It was hell. I'm still traumatized. I'm not kidding (see above photo--do you think I eat like that every day? Well, I don't).
We started off on a really good note when Mrs. Aide (who is there to support a special needs student and to support me to a certain extent as well) got in front of my class and started screaming at them. I rarely find a teaching situation that I don't know how to redirect. I stood there not knowing what to do. I can't just tell her to back off (in front of the kids) but I can't just let her scream at them, either. I (rather lamely) said, "It's okay, I got it from here!" with a big, fake smile plastered on my face, and took over the lecturing--sans screaming.
Two minutes later, I was re-taking the attendance, and Mrs. Aide walked up to me and handed me an invitation to her upcoming Pampered Chef party. I wanted to scream at her.
What followed were 50 minutes of chaos and pandemoneum that I never want to repeat. Just a sampling, by the numbers...
1 - The number of sane, rational adults in the room (I don't count Mrs. Aide).
2 - Number of students who ended up in tears after 50 minutes locked into my room. One was Candy*, a little gal who apparently gets claustrophobic, or something. I don't know exactly what brought on the panic attack, but I could not send her to the office. Then there was Brian, who had been sent to the office early on in the lesson because of a massive headache. He's not the type of kid who normally complains about feeling poorly, so when he told me he had a headache, I let him go to the office. Ms. Dean had to bring him back at the beginning of the lockdown, and he had to suffer in my room. He ended up shut in my office, bawling, because he felt so awful. Watching Candy and Brian, I wanted to cry. There was absolutely nothing I could do for them.
*Not real names
2 - Number of kids who pretended to cry and asked me, "Are we going to die?!?"
3 - Number of children who offered Candy and Brian bottles of soda and water out of their backpacks, bless them. They're off my shit list.
4 - Number of times I rolled my eyes when asked if anyone would be allowed to pee in the garbage can if it became necessary.
7 - Number of times I tried to get the kids to sing.
10 - Number of pink slips (referrals) I'm filling out based on deplorable behavior.
50 - Number of minutes past the end of 4th period that I was locked in my room with my choir (I'm so putting that on my substitute timesheet).
347 - Number of times I was asked why Mrs. Aide was taping paper on the windows ("Because we're supposed to." "Why?" "I don't know. Go sit down.").
582 - Number of times I was asked "how long is this going to go on?!?!?!" in whiny tones.
593 - Number of times I had to explain that I have absolutely no way of knowing how long it will last.
791 (give or take a few) - Number of complaints I got about how stupid this lockdown is.
1,427 - Number of times I wanted to scream, cry, hit something in one 50-minute span.
I had one nice yell at the kids, letting them know how angry I was that I missed an announcement because they wouldn't be quiet, followed by, "I'd better not miss the next announcement out of that intercom."
Finally, at 1:15 (a time I'd normally be at home, in my comfies, brewing a pot of tea), they announced that we were unlockdowned. I promptly sent Brian and Candy to the office, and tried to calm the chaos in my room. We were told to dismiss at 1:18, and it was with a huge sigh of relief that I did so when the minute hand hit 18 minutes.
The elementary music teacher came to my room to get his CD player and all I could do was laugh like an idiot.
I made my way up to the office, to find it busy in there. Candy was sitting at a table, clutching a bottle of water and sobbing. I stopped to see about her and Mrs. Secretary told me that there'd been a bit of panicking going on. I poked my head into the sick room to wish Brian a speedy recovery. He'd calmed down but still looked miserable.
Mrs. Secretary was running around, Mrs. Dean and Mrs. Principal were locked in Mrs. Principal's office, and three Jefferson County Sheriffs were locked in the conference room with a student. There were four sheriff cars parked outside. I told Mrs. Secretary, "I'm going to have a good, stiff margarita tonight." She laughed and replied, "I'm having a Baileys."
So I stopped at the liquor store and the QFC on the way home. And now I am locked in the house with a teensy bit of a tequila buzz and much better outlook on the world.
My afternoon (so far) by the numbers:
1 - Number of phone calls from former supervisors (from my student teaching days--returning a call I'd made for the sake of networking).
1 - Margarita consumed
2 - Number of frosted sugar cookies I allowed myself to indulge in.
3 - Number of friendly faces greeting me (gotta love the furries).
4 - Number of hours I'll spend watching the Anne of Green Gables DVD that finally arrived from Amazon. I haven't seen it in ages, and absolutely love it.
6 - Number of pillows I propped myself up on in bed to start watching Anne of Green Gables while sipping my margarita and munching on taquitos and frosted sugar cookies.
10 - Number of taquitos I ate (lots of veggies for dinner).
20 - Number of times I have thanked God that tomorrow is Friday.
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